


A cosmic joke

by RocioWrites



Category: CLAMP - Works, Tokyo Babylon, X -エックス- | X/1999
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-12 01:45:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18001442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RocioWrites/pseuds/RocioWrites
Summary: “What did you think?” She asks the audience and the cheering only increases. “Yeah, I adored it too!” She laughs freely before gesturing for them all to placate. “But I know why all of you are here tonight and it’s not to re-watch this exciting finale.” The public yells all kinds of replies and she laughs again. “I’m Kasumi Karen, this isEyes onand yes! Let’s welcome our beloved stars, Seishirou-san and Subaru-san!”





	A cosmic joke

**Author's Note:**

> This was part of a longer fic, but I want to focus on other WIPs and the KyoKao Week so I decided to at least post this fragment. Hope it doesn’t suck completely.
> 
> Inspired by this poem, by Elisabeth Hewer: http://elisabethhewer.co.uk/post/117690706596/in-one-timeline-we-kiss-but-the-stars-dont-come
> 
> Specifically this section:
> 
> Somewhere there’s a final space where your hand on my face is the punchy climax to an epic saga, where the way our mouths meet takes the breath right out of people’s throats.

He runs desperately, legs aching with throbbing muscles that beg him to stop, lungs stinging at the effort. However, he keeps going.

The late-afternoon sun beats diligently if a bit weakly on everything in sight, sky slowly dying orange and red. He runs ignoring the pain and the cold, loud ragged breath alerting the other man of his arrival – both under the only blossoming tree in the park, a big leafy Sakura tree that draws too much attention in fall.

He finally stops, bending in half, hand on knees, breathless with red cheeks and teary eyes.

The taller man turns around, a pleasant smile curving his lips. “You’re here.” He says, voice soft. Folding and pocketing the sunglasses, one hazel eye inspects him with unashamed interest, he could swear even the one under the eye-patch is studying him. “You surprise me.”

“I—” But he’s still agitated and he has no idea what to say, heart clenching and unclenching in tandem making him doubt his decision. “I—” He tries again in vain. The other nods as if he actually got to mutter something coherent.

Wind picks up suddenly, making the black and beige coats dance in the air around their bodies under the ridiculously romantic rain of pink cherry petals. He pushes himself to stand upright, tiny rosy dots hiding the other from his sight now and then.

When it ceases, the taller man isn’t looking back at him, instead he’s watching the treetop, shy sunlight filtering through the leaves and projecting shapeless moving shadows on his face and the grass.

“I— don’t want it to end like this.” He manages to whisper at last, swallowing against the lump in his dry throat.

“Really?” The taller man gives a short laugh, taking a step towards him, eyes fixed once again on his face, piercing right through him. “And what do you want?” The question makes his heart beat faster, watery-eyed and absolutely terrified of his feelings. “I’m not good for you, dear. Why do you insist on this?”

“I—”

Another step forward and he can’t move a muscle, not to escape and not to come closer.

“I’m not a good man. You know this.”

The park is dead-silent while he nods foolishly, hands fisting the fabric of his soft-colored coat, eyes trained on the pale grass half covered in cherry petals.

“I know.” His heart trembles like a lonely feeble leaf hanging on the furthest branch. “But I can’t stop desiring this.”

The other arches an eyebrow. “Oh?”

The next few steps happen without him noticing, feet light and that killer instinct that allows the man to sneak and surprise like the best of predators.

“I— I love you.” He admits, tone broken and strangled. “So much. So— _very much_. I just can’t—” The soft hand against his wet cheek is unexpected but so welcomed, he squeaks either way, shocked into interruption.

“Hush.” The taller man says, delicately caressing his skin, smile strangely honest – so much that it makes him cry harder.

“I love you.” He informs him one more time, hand coming to rest atop the other’s. “I can’t stop these feelings. _Please_.”

The imposing Sakura tree remains full of blossoms even in autumn, a perfect parallel to the fact that his heart remains loving and faithful even if the other has been hurting him for so long.

“I’ll take care of you.” And it tastes like a promise, bittersweet and meaningful. “I’ll make sure you’ll never stop desiring this— _me_.”

His lips are cold and vaguely chafed but it’s oh so satisfying, kissing him at last. Legs shaking and knees weak, the taller man holds him supporting his full weight, one hand still caressing his cheek, the other snaked on his waist. He gives up the fight, he melts against the warm body reciprocating the kiss with all the pent-up love he’s been trying to defeat since he laid eyes on this man.

And everything goes black, an impossible-to-mute whispering arises and when the fluorescent lights turn on the uproar is almost unbearable. Screaming becomes white noise under the noisy applause the public provides.

The huge screen is lifted and the beautiful woman who shows up sports an immense grin, her curly ginger hair matching perfectly her tight red dress.

“What did you think?” She asks the audience and the cheering only increases. “Yeah, I adored it too!” She laughs freely before gesturing for them all to placate. “But I know why all of you are here tonight and it’s not to re-watch this exciting finale.” The public yells all kinds of replies and she laughs again. “I’m Kasumi Karen, this is _Eyes on_ and yes! Let’s welcome our beloved stars, Seishirou-san and Subaru-san!”

She moves aside at the exact moment the panels behind her open slowly to reveal the two men that were moments before displayed on the screen acting such dramatic scene – both dressed completely different, warm-colored suits that fit them perfectly enough to show off their masculine figures, the taller one without the eye-patch showing his mismatched eyes confidently.

Seishirou knows how to smile charmingly and has the whole attendance wrapped around his little finger even before uttering a word. Subaru, on the other hand, will never be able to shake off the anxiety it produces him to be in front of all these people – he tries nonetheless and offers a sort of awkward smile that has the girls swooning all the same.

They walk side by side, nodding a quiet greeting at the presenter. Karen reciprocates quickly, pointing at the white leather couches arranged around a small wooden coffee table. Everyone is clapping and shouting encouraging words or love declarations or who knows what to the two men. Seishirou waves his hand and even winks at some fans.

“Please, take a seat.” Her smile is so wide it seems forced, making Subaru cringe inwardly but he obeys either way. “It’s such a pleasure having you in our show, we’re terribly excited! And oh my God that finale, guys! It was perfect!” The crowd breaks into cheering once more. “Tell us,” She continues with the grace and easiness that years being a show presenter has graced her with. “how do you feel now that _Tokyo Affairs_ is officially over?”

“Oh, we’re devastated.” Seishirou replies promptly, smiling and shooting a look at Subaru. “ _Tokyo Affairs_ was the most popular show I’ve ever been in, I’m so honored that I got to be part of it and being Subaru-kun’s love interest no less!” Here, he laughs good-naturedly and Subaru avoids everyone’s eyes, willing the blush to not show above his soft makeup.

“It was an excellent TV drama. I’ll miss everyone who worked so hard with us to make it so special not only for the viewers but also for all the actors.” Subaru supplies, voice trembling almost imperceptibly.

“Excellent, that’s for sure.” Karen adds. “Since you’ve mentioned it, Seishirou-san, how was it to play a bad guy that had such a sweet innocent love interest?”

Subaru swallows against the lump in his throat and tries to cover it by drinking from his glass of water.

“A complete new experience, I must say.” He stretches his arms and it’s too casual to be anything but on purpose, left one resting on the back of the couch almost cushioning Subaru’s head. “I love playing bad guys. Now, an unrepentant serial killer that falls in love with the brother of one his victims? That caught my attention immediately! I told Yuuto ‘Yes, this is it, count me in’ without hesitation.”

Karen laughs pleased and nods along. “What was the best part of playing a serial killer? Was it emotionally exhausting or…?” She trails off, eying him with a falsely amicable smile, all edges that speak volumes.

Subaru has to suppress another uncomfortable cringe at this.

“It’s a bit taxing in the sense that this guy was so evil. I knew from the beginning that my character wouldn’t have a redeeming arc but I think that made him even more interesting and real. Don’t you agree?” Seishirou’s smile widens. “The best part you ask?” He continues talking as if nothing and Subaru’s breath catches in his throat. “Seriously, it was playing Subaru-kun’s love interest! I got to touch him, pet him, kiss him…” The public goes wild, whistles and shouting and he cuts himself off, so satisfied with himself.

Subaru’s groan goes unheard, covered by the clamor.

Karen directs a wicked grin to the camera and puts her best innocently surprised face once the cameraman gives her a thumb up. “Wow. So straightforward, Seishirou-san!”

He cocks his head, also playing innocent. “You think so?”

“Absolutely.” She confirms and Subaru feels her eyes pinning him down. “What about you Subaru-san? Do you have any statement bolder than that one?” Her melodic laugh mortifies him.

Everyone aims for a happy entertaining attitude but he can’t feel the same when confronted with his own acting and the constant teasing of Seishirou.

“No, I don’t think I could ever be as bold as Seishirou-san.” He forces himself to answer calmly.

“That’s a pity.” Karen murmurs. “What was for you the best part of playing the nice protective brother who finally falls for the bad guy?”

“It was a part I’ve never seen myself in. A lot of people know my sister already—”

“She’s an excellent makeup artist and designer!” Seishirou chirps up.

Subaru nods, smile honest this time around. “She’s really independent, I’ve never been protective. So I got to understand a side of siblings relationships I didn’t know.”

Seishirou shoots him a look, as if to imply that Subaru is cheating and going for the safe answer. That’s exactly what he’s doing.

“Oh yes! We all know and love Hokuto-chan around here.” Karen announces and a few whistles sound around the crowd. “Did your relationship with her change thanks to _Tokyo Affairs_?”

“I wouldn’t say it changed. But it enlightened me in a way. I’ve always loved and appreciated my sister and having to act like I lost a sibling for so long, it left me shaken up.” He confesses, looking at his hand squeezing his leg pants. “It wasn’t easy on me to be always on edge, lost and hurt.” He laughs a bit, nervous. “It was taking its toll.”

Karen’s look is suddenly so soft and sympathetic it leaves him breathless, she exudes maternal love for a brief moment. Seishirou’s arm touching ‘unintentionally’ his neck brings him back.

“That’s rough.” She says, sounding sincere for the first time since _Eyes on_ started. “I’m sorry it was that way. Although… You made an awesome job, Subaru-san.”

“Thank you.”

And from then on, it becomes an easy interview, tamer than what Subaru had thought. Seishirou openly flirts and says embarrassing things. It’s all for show. He’s good at avoiding answering about a possible new season in the making. Karen is spectacular with the comments and questions, all at the right pace and right intonation, like some cheeky woman who’s really interested in what they have to say. It’s her magic working wonders, that’s why she’s still this hot-topic presenter. But Subaru is happy they’ve gained some complicity Seishirou isn’t allowed in. She pushes for it to be interesting yet stops just as it’s about to go unpleasant. A true artist.

*

“You didn’t tell her about us.”

Subaru hates the oppressive tranquility that comes after the adrenaline an interview produces, the silence feels faked after all the yelling and commotion around.

He’s meticulous about rubbing the makeup off and changing clothes, hanging properly the suit he’s been given. Hokuto chastises him because he takes too long but Subaru enjoys the systematic movements in a way that counteracts his distress in the mute after-show.

“And now you’re ignoring me. You hurt me so, Subaru-kun.”

Sharing a dressing room isn’t unusual, that’s why he has mastered the art of introspection so that any company won’t distract him from his learned routine.

“Oh you keep ignoring me, I’m deeply wounded.” It’s a dramatic claim – Subaru feels the warm body behind him.

Seishirou isn’t _any company_ though, he demands space and attention, it’s something Subaru still hasn’t cataloged as a positive or negative trait.

He sighs, putting the hanger in its place and smoothing the fabric one last time before turning around. “There’s not _us_ to tell, Seishirou-san.”

The other smiles and innocently cocks his head, already in his street clothes - which happens to be a soft brown suit. “Subaru-kun can be so cruel.” But the words leave his mouth without any real meaning, as if he’s talking about any other mundane topic.

“I’m not cruel!” Subaru defends himself, smiling in spite of everything. “And you didn’t tell Karen-san about you quitting your acting career.”

“Ah. Well. The atmosphere was so happy, I didn’t want to ruin it with sad news.” He shrugs.

Subaru isn’t sure he gets it.

“If it’s so sad, why are you quitting?”

“I have to go, Subaru-kun. Simple as that.”

“But why?”

Seishirou hums noncommittally and pats his head, softly, almost lovingly. It makes him shiver despite his undershirt and the heated room. Seishirou smiles and it’s a big lie.

“Why did you decide to become an actor, Subaru-kun?” He asks, dark poking from the edge of his tender tone.

Subaru blinks, bewildered. “Why?” He repeats.

“Yes. Why?” Seishirou insists, taking a step towards him and invading his personal space. Subaru can’t say he’s not used to it, shooting so many scenes where they had to pretend to be in love had them standing always extremely close to each other. And yet, it feels different and more intimate than ever. “You’re quite shy, I wouldn’t have pegged you for a theater kid if I had met you in other circumstances. So there must be a reason, a very good reason for you to want to become an actor. Isn’t there?”

He swallows against his sudden dry throat, bowing his head. “I—” He stammers, watching Seishirou’s shoes that make it seem he’s even closer. “I just followed Hokuto-chan.” He mumbles in the end.

And then silence. Oppressive, tranquil silence.

Subaru sighs and taking courage, looks up and asks once again: “Why are you leaving? For real this time, please.”

“I just have to.”

“Seishirou-san…” He cuts himself off, words stuck somewhere between his brain and mouth. “ _Seishirou-san_.”

“Subaru-kun.” He shoots back, amused.

Finally looking up, mismatched eyes smile at him.

“Is it because of the accident?” He tries, weak and sad. He’s the one stepping forward this time. “I am so sorry Seishirou-san. It should have been me—”

“No.” Seishirou interrupts him. “I would never forgive myself if something happened to this pretty face of yours.”

Subaru is near tears. “But your eye!” He cries and takes his face by the cheeks. The urge to lower the other’s head and kiss both eyelashes completely overwhelming. “That weird accident just when we were starting to film _Tokyo Affairs_ and now you’re quitting your acting career… I feel so guilty, Seishirou-san. Are you leaving because of me?”

He’s smiling, it’s disturbing. Such a kind smile, so out of place with that dark look. Seishirou doesn’t deny it.

“I just have to.” He says again. He doesn’t deny it that it’s because of him.

_Seishirou doesn’t deny it._

“But—”

“We will see each other again, don’t worry.”

Subaru starts crying all the same.


End file.
